Beauty and the Beast
by Beena-Pani
Summary: (The last two chapters have now been fixed! Yay!)[Slash. SBRL. Complete.] Classic fairytale. Not-so classic pairing. One a tortured soul, branded a beast. One a beauty using his good looks for the wrong purpose. Fun.
1. Prologue

Beauty and the Beast

**Disclaimer:** Oiy! If it sounds familiar, I don't own it.

**Genre:** Romance

**Rating:** PG-13

**Pairing:** Remus/Sirius

**Summary:** [Slash] In a world where curses are often forgivable because they give the story a moral and true love is waiting just around the corner and across the street, how do Remus Lupin (who hasn't had any conversation in about 10 years) and Sirius Black (who has had enough to go a few decades without it) fit together?

Author's Note: I'm aware that I can't write poetry (the reason this is a narrative), but what **are** you going to do? Flame me? Hah. Anyway, it's only one verse, so do not fear. That's the only attempt at prose in this whole story.

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**Prologue **

_Young Remus Lupin dared not sob as his mother led him by the arm through the forest. His feet were tired and aching; he had never walked so much in his life. Scratches from branches covered his face and arms and contrasted with the many scars he had earned over the years, but they were all miniscule compared to the long, thin and graceful scar which lead from his shoulder to a few inches down the inside of his upper arm, branding him as the monster he was._

_ Finally, they came to a stop in front of an ancient house that only made Remus feel his throat tighten and hot tears sting his eyes, but he refused to cry. It would be wrong to call the house 'small', as it was almost the size of, and maybe even bigger than, Remus's home. But to say that it was a house seemed inappropriate to Remus as well, as the place had an eerie quality that adhered his feet to the ground when his mother tugged again at his hand._

_ "Come on, Remus," she snapped, and he flinched when she said his name. There was something in her voice, something like hate or disgust, but Remus refused to believe he had actually heard it, he must have imagined it._

_ "Come on," she said sharply again, and this time Remus followed. "Good. Now, you'll be living here from now on. Don't interrupt." Obediently, Remus stopped protesting, waiting for his mother to continue._

_ "I cannot take the risk of keeping you. If you killed someone, or worse, if anyone found out what you were... I'd have to move far away, but whether or not they would let me take you with me, I am not sure. It's trouble enough keeping a young werewolf locked up during one night of the month, but you've proved numerous times that the wolf can surface whenever. Don't cry like that, this is for your own good._

_ "If you are thinking of escaping, don't. An enchantment has been set around this house so you can't escape as long as you are still a... what you are. You should be thanking me; this way you can't harm anyone. Here, take this." She held out a folded piece of paper, which Remus took. " It says how to break the curse. If you ever become human again, you'll be able to leave." It was clear she was trying to act maternal now, but she had never really been that way. Remus looked down at the paper in his hand. This paper was not unfamiliar to Remus; he already knew what it said. He had read it before, and one verse in particular stood out in his mind._

... And when beauty looks him in the eye

And with no attempt to flee

When love is given from both sides

Then the Cursed shall truly be free...

_So, basically, he had to find a beautiful girl without ever leaving this place, and get her to love him. Not likely, Remus knew._

_ And as his mother turned around and walked away, never to cross that invisible barrier again, he tried to remember the other verses, but his mind was on something else. Seeing her leave without ever looking back made that 'not likely' change to 'impossible'._

_ A growl escaping his throat, the young werewolf whispered angrily after her, "I didn't ask to be a monster." The piece of paper he had clutched in his fist was torn again and again until there was nothing but tiny strips of parchment that were beyond repair. Spitting on the torn paper, Remus Lupin turned away and walked inside._

_ A bloodcurdling howl was heard, but it was not one of a monster, it was a howl made by someone full of anger and pain to the point of wishing, hoping for death to come and take them away from the world. It was a howl that sent a shiver down one's spine and made you quicken your step and look over your shoulder as you walked home._

_ Quietly, seeing as no one was around him, Remus gave in and began to cry. He felt real, physical pain, alone in that empty, empty house. Another little growl escaped him, the remorse he felt quickly turning to something else. As his sobs almost echoed through the silent house, he, for the very first time, felt like the monster he had always been told he was._

_ It was at that moment that Remus Lupin learned to hate himself and everyone else, wholly and completely. He had no hope of ever escaping the curse. Even if some beautiful girl was to find him... so what? If his own mother couldn't love him, who could? He had heard the fairytales when he was younger: the prince gets the girl, while the werewolf dies a slow and painful death, because who would care what happens to him? He's a monster, and nobody wants to love a monster. No one..._

_ He let out a whimper and curled up into a tiny ball on the floor, closing his eyes and welcoming a dreamless sleep._


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter One: The Price of a Rose**

Sirius Black prided himself on not forming romantic attachments, and this time was no exception. Rosa Stork, the heiress to her family's fortune, had surprised him by how easily she fell for him, but that was of no importance. They never did figure him out, because wealthy young women were not in the habit of writing a book on their romantic lives. That would be inappropriate. So, as he romanced every girl with money in town, he was never discovered, and whoever this woman was, she always thought hers was the only heart he had ever broken. And by the time that someone finally _did_ get suspicious, he was long gone.

He was aware that he was handsome, and charming at that. He knew how to make a girl's knees give out or make her hyperventilate upon his entering a room. To say that he was a little conceited wouldn't be an exaggeration, but he felt he deserved to be. This time had surprised him, though. Rosa had always rolled her eyes when other girls swooned, laughed a little cruelly when other girls giggled shyly. Somehow, she had been no different than the others, and if that didn't add to one's ego, then what did?

Pushing that thought out of his mind, Sirius returned to wondering when he should mention his sick distant relative, who needed a ridiculously priced antidote if he wanted to live. Rosa would offer to pay for part (or all) of the medicine, and then he would convince her that marriage wasn't possible, considering the difference in their social position. After all, his father had only left him a tiny portion of his estate. That plan always worked.

Seeing the thick snow falling outside, he decided it was time to leave and hurriedly pulled on his cloak and a scarf. Huge snowflakes landed in his hair and eyelashes as he walked down the street, turning towards the lake. It was frozen now, but the ice was thin, so no one was there to see him enter the forest on the lake's west side. A dirt path lead to the spot he was looking for, and thankfully the trees had shielded it from most of the snow. About two minutes later, he had reached his destination and was not surprised to see Rosa already waiting for him, sitting on an old log.

Sirius had never really considered a girl beautiful (part of his wonderful ability to refrain from romantic attractions), but Rosa came the closest to his definition. Long, curly dark red hair flowed down to her back when it was down, and little wisps escaped from the confines of the numerous pins keeping her hair in place. Her eyes were bright blue, her nose had a little bump in it that gave her face some quality he couldn't quite name, and there were a few freckles scattered across her nose and cheeks.

"Sirius," she smiled, standing up excitedly but elegantly at the same time. Returning the smile, he took her hand and kissed it, carefully watching her expression. Her cheeks were pink from the cold, but he was sure he saw their colour deepen as he let go of her hand. She took a few steps towards him until he could hear her breathing. Slowly and gently, he tilted her chin up and placed his lips upon hers, wrapping his arms around her as he continued to kiss her. Rosa returned the kiss more than he felt was considered ladylike, but that didn't bother him. Her fingers tangled themselves into his hair, but he was waiting for her to break away before he could mention his terribly ill second cousin's grandmother's friend's nephew.

However, she didn't pull away until several minutes later, looking slightly out of breath. A small kiss on her cheek was followed by several more down her jaw and neck. Just as he had reached her collar and opened his mouth to continue with his plan, she spoke.

"What are you getting me for my birthday?" asked Rosa, causing Sirius to curse in his head. He sat down on the log and motioned for her to follow.

"What do you want?"

She smiled.

"Anything. As long as it's from you."

Sirius placed a kiss on her forehead, and said, "You have to give me some ideas." He had forgotten her birthday, though he didn't know how. A girl's sixteenth birthday wasn't something that passed without acknowledgement. Whenever a girl turned sixteen, the whole town knew about it, Sirius especially, since that immediately left her name off his list.

"Roses are my favourite flowers," suggested she, placing her hand over his. _Naturally, with her name,_ thought Sirius. As Rosa spoke, she looked down at their hands, as if embarrassed. "I will be old enough to marry when I turn sixteen..." She left the sentence to dangle in the air, waiting for him to say something. This was always the hardest part for him, and he never got it quite right.

"I know," he whispered, almost wincing in pain. "I know."

Hearing this, Rosa seemed somewhat assured and placed her head on his shoulder, sighing contentedly. Still, Sirius felt awkward, but put an arm around her shoulder anyway. He closed his eyes, and soon his breathing became deep and long as he drifted closer and closer to sleep.

A lot of time must have past when Sirius woke up, because the snow was falling much faster now.

"Rosa," he said as he gently shook her. Her eyes opened quickly.

"Perhaps I should go now," she replied. "It looks like a storm." Sirius wondered if she would get into trouble for being out so late, and if her parents would get suspicious. She was covered in a thin layer of snow, and he could only assume he looked the same.

"Goodnight," he said, remembering the roses. He had a good feeling there he could find some deeper in the forest. He would get her roses, then head back before the storm got any worse.

"Goodnight," she whispered, placing a kiss on his cheek and brushing his hair out of his eyes. The two went in opposite directions, both feeling opposite emotions. While Rosa was in a state of bliss, Sirius knew he should have mentioned his sick relative earlier than today. If only he had remembered her birthday! After this evening, she would be waiting for him to propose, and every time he didn't she would be less and less willing to give him the money.

_Probably best just to leave_, Sirius thought as he searched high and low for that accursed rose. Angrily, he wondered why he hadn't just bought the rose, but as he turned around, he realized he was lost. The snow was falling hard now and the wind howled as it swept through the swirling flakes. After finding what he thought was a hopeful direction, he began walking straight, trying his best to avoid bumping into trees and failing miserably.

Rosa was probably at home by now, humming the wedding march or already in bed, dreaming of roses or whatever it was Rosa dreamt of. Sirius felt a pang of jealousy just thinking of her, out of the freezing cold.

His thoughts were interrupted by a howl he knew wasn't the wind. This was different; it had been made by some kind of animal. Eyes widening in fear, Sirius put his arms out in front of him and took a few more steps until he bumped into something rather... wall-like. Upon closer inspection, Sirius decided it was indeed a wall, one belonging to a house. Surely the owners wouldn't mind his intrusion, what with that storm and that animal. So, that in mind, he felt along the wall until he came to a door, but not before he had picked one of the roses surrounding the building and put it in his pocket. Quickly, he felt for the doorknob, found it, opened the door, and stepped inside.

Again, the creature howled, and with a feeling like there was something very, very heavy in his stomach, Sirius realized that it was inside the building.

It must have heard him come in, because it appeared from a corridor on his right and stood in front of him, waiting for him to move. Frozen to the spot, Sirius waited as the creature he was now sure was a werewolf began to inch closer, baring its teeth and snarling. Intelligent amber eyes stared at him, keeping him transfixed. And then, suddenly, Sirius was running, but he didn't know where to. He simply took off in one direction and found himself in a long hallway. Without waiting to make up his mind, he ran straight, but the werewolf was behind him. Quickly, he bolted into a room on his right and pushed against the door as the werewolf continually threw itself against it.

There was a moment of silence before the werewolf began scratching wildly at the door. Knowing he wouldn't be able to last much longer, Sirius looked around the room for something barricade the door with. Finally, he noticed a window and, while keeping his back to the door, picked up a chair and hurled it at the glass, which shattered and landed in all directions. A piece of glass grazed his hand, but he ignored the slight pain and prepared to jump out the window. The werewolf growled from the other side of the door, but it had stopped attacking the door. Sirius took a deep breath, ran, and jumped.

When Sirius went to run away after landing like anyone with half a brain would, he found he had twisted his ankle. He let out a little yelp of fear as the werewolf leapt out after him, and struggled to get up and run. Normally, the werewolf would have caught any human, but Sirius, trying to run with a limp, was caught without any effort on the werewolf's part. It threw him forward onto the ground, lowering its jaws to his shoulders, sniffing at him.

A small whimper escaped both the werewolf and Sirius at the same time and both were still for a moment. Then, the werewolf sniffed him again, growling quietly, almost like a purr, but more sinister. It howled victoriously and dug its claws into his shoulders, making him bite back a scream. Finally, it lowered its muzzle to his neck once more and was preparing to finish him off, when it howled again, but this time in pain. It fell off him as it howled again and again. Sirius put his hands over his ears at the awful sound, watching in horror as the werewolf's body began to shake violently and its muzzle began to contort into a human face. He scrambled backwards but was unable to take his eyes away from the terrible transformation, watching as paws uncurled into hands and feet, as limbs lengthened and shortened, as the tail disappeared, until, finally, where the werewolf once was lay a young man.

Sirius was surprised by the fact that this boy seemed not much older than himself, despite the fact that his light brown hair was greying in some areas. He had always thought werewolves were crazy old men who had hairy palms and uni-brows lived in shacks. Looking at the house he assumed this boy must live in, Sirius felt his stereotype had a grain of truth in it. Coming back to his senses, Sirius checked his pockets for anything silver, but had nothing except the rose in his pocket and werewolves probably didn't keep silver handy in their homes. But if this werewolf was so bloodthirsty, why wasn't it chasing him? Then again, this werewolf looked nothing like the ones in stories, so perhaps he was vegetarian outside his lupine form? Sirius doubted this.

The boy was small and terribly thin and covered in scars along with a few fresh cuts (some of which Sirius thought may have come from the glass of the window), and when he wearily raised his head, Sirius was met with the same amber eyes of the wolf. Again, he found himself staring into the eyes of the thing that had almost killed him.

"Wha... What are you d-doing here?" asked the wolf-boy, his voice raspy, and his words unsure.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Sirius answered quietly, "I was looking for a rose." He forced a dry laugh, and the other boy frowned at him, confused. He shook his head, and Sirius was reminded of a dog drying off.

"You shouldn't be here," said the boy, still staring at Sirius as he shivered, naked in the cold snow. "You shouldn't be here," he repeated, more to himself this time.

"I-I-I'm sorry, I... I... Please don't eat me," squeaked Sirius, voicing the one thought he could come up with.

The boy's eyes widened. "No- I- You couldn't have... I mean, I... You?" He whispered the last two words, his face frozen in a look of terror that Sirius was sure mirrored his expression when the werewolf had been about to tear his throat out.

That was the last thing he said before Sirius passed out.


	3. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** The fairytale is not mine, the characters are not mine, and the magic mirror, alas, is, as far as I'm aware, an idea brought up only in the Disney version of _Beauty and the Beast_, making it also not mine.

_Notes_: I have a problem. Does anyone know if you're supposed to add an apostrophe _and_ an 's', or just an apostrophe after 'Remus' or 'Sirius'? It's been bothering me a lot lately...

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**Chapter Two: The Eyes of a Wolf**

The tarnished silver blade lying beneath Remus's bed had always been watched carefully. Sometimes he even brought it into the light and unwrapped it from the cloth he had found loosely tucked around it. Then, he would sit back and stare at it, almost _admire_ it, amazed that something so simple could solve his problem quicker than any kiss from a pretty girl.

It had always been under his bed; that was where he found it. That was the way the house worked: you needed something, you found it right where it ought to be. It never occurred to him that he needed the knife until after it had been discovered, because the first time he stood back and admired it, he'd felt powerful and strangely pacified.

He looked at the limp form of Sirius Black the way he would often look at that old knife, and it was several minutes before he shivered and noticed the snow layering the ground. After murmuring an apology to the unconscious young man, Remus removed the thick black cloak from the other and draped it around his own shoulders before carrying Sirius inside. This took quite a bit of work, as there was a large gash in his side and Sirius was much larger than him. When the raven-haired boy was at last lying on a sofa with his cloak covering him in what Remus had designated the living room, the werewolf made it to the washroom and began cleaning the wound. He had seen and lived through worse. After attending to that, he checked himself over. There were several thin cuts on his palms and the soles of his feet and quite a few bruises forming. When he decided he would survive until the next month, he got dressed in clean robes.

A few minutes later, he was back in the once-empty room, checking the dark-haired boy for wounds. Remus had never been a medical expert, but he could tell there was some damage done to one of the boy's ankles. It wasn't long before he had decided to simply wait for the boy to wake up, so he pulled up a chair and sat down, watching the black hair fall into closed eyes. If ever he had been asked to imagine beauty, Remus thought, he would have never pictured half of what he saw now. Entranced, he reached out and swept a little piece of black hair to the side, fully revealing the closed eyelids fringed with long lashes. Just as he was vaguely wondering what colour those hidden eyes were, they snapped open, answering Remus's question: they were light grey, like the bottom of a cloud just hinting at rain.

A strangled cry escaped Sirius's lips, his eyes growing wide. After he had made a few more strange noises (all of which were perfectly incomprehensible), he managed to gather his ability to speak the English language.

"I am really sorry," he slowly said, though the panic in his voice was evident. "I won't tell anybody and you'll never see me again, just let me go."

Remus sighed. He hadn't thought of what to do when Sirius woke up, but it was pretty obvious.

"I can't," he stated simply, shrugging. "I can't trust that you won't tell anybody, because if you did, there wouldn't be any way for me to escape while they came up here with silver bullets. There is a boundary around the entire house that keeps any werewolf within a few paces of it."

Another stream of gibberish flooded from Sirius's mouth.

Again, Remus sighed, but it came out half growl. This quieted the other boy for a moment. "There is a kitchen downstairs. If you are hungry, there will be food in one of the cupboards. In that closet—" He jerked a thumb over his shoulder at a wardrobe in one corner of the room. "Are clothes, but only if you need them. Keep that in mind. You only get what you need."

He waited for a nod or some sign of agreement, but none came.

"Um, 'scuse me?" Sirius asked, trying to keep his voice even. Raised eyebrows prompted him to continue. "Seeing as we're going to be living together for a while, would you mind telling me..." he cleared his throat now, as his voice was slowly raising in pitch. "Your name?"

The werewolf considered this. Should he reveal his name? Immediately, a little voice in his mind told him he shouldn't, but he had always been paranoid. Shoving the voice into a corner, he replied, "Remus." There was an awkward pause before he continued the conversation. "May I ask yours?"

"You can call me Sirius," said the dark-haired boy, not seeing the point in lying.

He sat up as he spoke, no longer frightened. Seeing that he was taller than the other boy had given him some reassurance that he would not be attack, or even pose a threat.

"I'd..." Remus hesitated, and then took a step backwards to the door. "Better go." With that, he turned around and walked back to his own bedroom.

When he had closed the door behind him, the blade was what held his attention. However, he ignored its call, and walked to the dresser that sat at one end of the room, facing the foot of his bed. Four items laid on it: three of them stones that he had had in his pocket when his mother left him here. They sat in a row, and beside them was a small, circular mirror. Remus reached out his index finger and ran it along the mirror's surface.

"Why is he here?" he asked the glass quietly, and an image appeared on the glass. This Sirius and a girl with bright red hair, kissing in the snow. Remus felt a strange emotion (Envy? Surprise? Distaste?), but the image changed before he could identify it. The next image showed Sirius picking a rose surrounding the house, pocketing it, and then coming face to face with the wolf. Turning away, Remus shuddered slightly, tapping the glass with his finger again. The image of the werewolf froze for a moment, and then faded.

Those tawny eyes were the last things he ever saw as a human. He would have to face them every time he looked in the mirror after that, as well. Before the bite, he had greyish green eyes— human eyes. His gold eyes were the only mark of lycanthropy that wasn't hidden under his clothes. If he had been a little older when he was bitten, he might have had a wand with which he could charm his eyes back to their original colour, but he was denied the chance to learn magic because of what he was, even when he came of age.

_"This is all your fault!" she cried, picking up one of the stones from his collection. He would often pick them up from the ground if he saw one he liked, and then put it in the small box he kept by his bed._

_She made to throw the rock, but collapsed into a chair before she could. The woman covered her once-beautiful face with her once-beautiful hands and sobbed loudly. "It's your fault. You're why he's gone..." Her voice was hushed now._

_Remus stood in the corner, afraid. He stared at his mother, and bit his trembling lip._

_She raised her face from her hands and glared at him, then crossed the room and shook him roughly by the shoulders. "What have you done to my son?" she growled. Another sob racked her body, but she maintained eye contact. "You had his eyes, Remus... You've traded in his eyes... for what? It makes no difference to me what time of the month it is; you are nothing but a wolf, no matter what form you take."_

_Tears stung his eyes. "I don't want it," he whispered, shaking. "I didn't want for it to happen."_

_"I didn't want a werewolf for a son," she snapped. "But look what happened to me." And she slapped him, hard across the cheek. Stunned, he just stood there until she left the room._

Remus shivered, then closed his eyes and fell into bed, not wanting to think anymore.

**_llllll_**

Weeks passed, and, before Remus knew it, the full moon was fast approaching once again. Sirius was not aware of this. He had hardly seen the young man he knew as 'Beast' since their first meeting. This did not mean, however, he was not afraid of him. Whenever he was in the other boy's presence, he hastily stopped thinking of escape plans, unsure if lycanthropy brought on telepathy.

Exactly eight days before the full moon, Sirius happened on Remus while he was eating. It still surprised Sirius that every time he opened the cupboards, there was food there. Only if he was hungry, of course. Whenever he was bored and saw eating as his only cure, there was no food there.

He saw the werewolf was sitting at a table, chewing thoughtfully on a piece of bread.

"Excuse me?" he said quietly. After about a week, he had realized this was not the other boy's real name, and it sounded so strange now.

"Yes?" Remus responded politely and quietly.

Sirius took a deep breath. "I was wondering if could I join you?" His question was answered by a confused nod, which Sirius pretended to ignore as he sat down.

"The full moon will be in a few days," Remus said absently, making Sirius's stomach twist and knot.

"Oh?" He attempted to keep his voice calm.

"I've been thinking about it." The piece of bread Remus had been eating was set down and he looked straight at the dark-haired boy. "One of us would have to be locked away from the other. And, as I don't exactly trust you to let me out after the moon has set, I suggest that it be you. This your wand?" The smaller of the two produced Sirius's wand from his pocket.

"Where'd you find that?" Sirius asked, slowly reaching out to take his wand back.

"In one of the rooms. The window was smashed, which is, I suppose, how I got outside last month. Anyway," Remus continued in a very business-like tone. "You could open the lock magically from inside. Just keep it locked while I'm transformed, and then come out when the moon's set. Want some?" In his hand was another piece of bread, which he offered to Sirius, who shook his head slowly.

"I'd better get to bed. I'm a little tired," he lied, and rather obviously, too. The werewolf's eyebrows raised, not believing him at all, but didn't say anything else.

Sirius had begun to think of a plan. While Remus was transformed, he would sneak out. He just had to make sure the werewolf was in another part of the house, and then bolt.

_Foolproof_, he thought, and smiled grimly.

Just before he left the room, he felt eyes on his back. Remus was staring at him, wearing an identical bleak smile.


	4. Chapter 3

Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, those who helped me with the apostrophe problem, and to any silent readers. You're magnets that draw my fingers to the keyboard, that motivate them to create something you'll enjoy reading. Yep, I'm feeling a tad poetic.

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**Chapter Three: The Consequence of Existing**

The full moon approached all too soon, and the afternoon before it rose, the house reeked of blood, even though none had been shed at the time. Sirius knew he hadn't imagined it when he happened on Remus sniffing and wrinkling his nose as he sat by the window in his bedroom, where he could see the orange glow of the sun on trees as it began to set. For some unknown reason, Remus hadn't left that room to eat for the past two days. Every time Sirius passed by the doorway, he was staring out the window or at the wall, seemingly oblivious to the world around him.

Sirius thought of making his presence known, of attempting conversation to ease the lycanthrope's mind, but it seemed strange, when he would be escaping that night. He shook his head, and let out a breath that may have been loud enough for Remus to notice, though he didn't look away from the window.

That was when he felt a pain in his chest. He brought his hand over his heart, wondering if it was something he had eaten last night. But it wasn't a sharp pain, or a burning, not even pressure, just a little tug. As he turned and left, he still felt it, but it slowly faded.

He shrugged and quite consciously decided not to think on it.

Moments before he went, Remus thought of turning, of looking at the face of another human before the moon rose. This action was questioned several times in his mind, and when, at last, he decided he would do it, he heard Sirius's receding footsteps, taking away his opportunity. Remus tensed, then closed his eyes and exhaled, opening his eyes once again to greet the familiar sight he had been watching for two days.

A shiver passed through him and he turned away from the window. At first, he shrugged it off, but when he began to tremble despite his attempts to suppress it, he dropped from the chair onto all fours. He shuddered uncontrollably, biting his lip so hard that he drew blood, trying to keep a scream within him. Already, he could feel his mind slipping away, as if hiding from the monster he was about to become, but he would always remain at least partially conscious until the pain was gone and the transformation over. Perhaps it was some sort of torture, some form of punishment, or maybe it was just the human inside of him holding on until the last moment, as if it could keep control this time.

His eyes were the first to change, and although he could not see the transformation, he could feel it. His eyelids felt like sandpaper, scraping against his eyes as the irises and pupil expanded, hiding the whites from view.

He never knew what came next, because the pain kept from him concentrating. A tiny whimper of pain came from his throat as tears hit the floor steadily, like raindrops.

The full moon had begun to rise.

It became dark all too soon for Sirius, and as it did, he could hear the first of the animalistic howls erupting from the room where Remus had been sitting. All thoughts fled from his head for nearly a minute, before he regained control over his legs and ran to the room he had decided would be best to lock himself into. It was on the first floor, and though it didn't have a window, it was as close to the front door as he could get.

A few hours passed before the howls had subsided and silence made the air heavy. Just as Sirius was about to turn the doorknob, sure that the wolf couldn't be anywhere near him, there was a thunder of heavy footsteps, followed by a _thud_ an awful scream, something that sounded so human coming from a monster, it made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on edge.

There were painful whimpers heard, whimpers that didn't end like the howls had, but that went on, minute after minute. Curious and terrified at the same time, Sirius opened the door to find the wolf, lying on its stomach with its right front leg horribly twisted and its eyes closed.

Quietly, Sirius made his way to the door, but a whine carried through the air as he did so, and he turned around to see the wolf staring at him, those amber eyes gone soft from the ache. And, for a reason he didn't understand, Sirius couldn't leave. Instead, he sat on the floor by the wolf, on the left side so he could avoid the broken leg, and awkwardly extended his hand into the air. It was suspended over the werewolf's head, but it was withdrawn quickly when the wolf's lips drew back to reveal long, white fangs. A growl came from its throat, but Sirius tried again, and when he stroked its side, he was sure the wolf sighed.

Biting his lip, Sirius carefully felt the fur, a light coat of coarse, protective fur over the soft, honey and grey-flecked undercoat. He smiled absently, and the wolf's breathing slowed and deepened until it was asleep and Sirius, too, began to feel drowsy.

It was positively picturesque, something out of a child's storybook if anyone had cared to peek through the window: the black-haired boy sitting by the tamed beast, both perfectly happy for a moment and for a moment only. It was in this moment that Sirius realized he had failed, and failed miserably at that. The warmth he felt turned his hand to ice, and he quickly took his hand away from the werewolf's side. A terrible, icy realization washed over him, leaving him with a thin film of sweat on his skin. He was sure he was wrong, because that's what common sense told him, but instinct told him the opposite.

Cautiously, he managed to change his position: now, he lay by the wolf's side, careful not to let his back lean against the wolf. It didn't stir, just remained asleep, and if Sirius hadn't been staring furiously at the wall, he might have thought that the wolf was smiling in its sleep, or something close to that at the very least.

Sirius fought to keep his eyes open, but he gave up after a few minutes, when it actually became painful to keep from closing his eyes. He was lulled into a fitful sleep by the wolf's steady breathing.

The wolf liked this human, whoever he was, and though the craving for blood still made its tongue ache with longing, this human would not be its prey. The human had cared for it, comforted it.

Despite the pain in its leg and the voice in its head telling it that this was a human, that this was food, not something to treat like a member of the pack, the wolf was content. With the strange human at its side, it could sleep easily.

The moment of bliss ended for the werewolf, and it was jerked violently from sleep let out a howl of pain, rousing Sirius in the process. The howls became more and more human as its muzzle shrank into a human face, muscle and bone twisted, lengthened, and shortened, all the while its front right leg didn't change at all except for the fur disappearing and the paw changing into a hand. Even while the other legs had gone back to normal limbs, what was once a leg and now was an arm was still bent in a horrific way that made Remus's stomach churn when he saw it.

"Here, let me fix that," Sirius muttered, staring at the twisted arm. He whispered a spell under his breath and pointed the tip of his wand at Remus's right arm. When the limb had gone back to its proper shape, Remus gave a yelp of pain held it tightly.

"Sorry." Sirius pulled the other boy to his feet. "It'll hurt for a few more hours."

Despite the truth in Sirius's words, Remus smiled, a little painfully perhaps, but he smiled all the same. It was a quiet smile, but a genuine one, the sort you feel proud to have earned. "Thank you."

"It was nothing, really. Just a simple spell—"

"No, not that." Light brown hair fell in front of gold eyes as Remus shook his head slowly, still smiling that small smile. "You didn't leave. Why not?"

"Well, I... don't know." It was a lie. When he first sat down by the wolf, no, he didn't know, but now he knew all too well. What kept him here was the one thing he swore he'd never have to deal with.

Remus cocked his head to the side, and the smile grew just a bit at that, and Sirius knew he had believed him, wholly and completely. Why? Just because it made perfect sense. Why would anyone stay with a werewolf when they could escape? 'I don't know' sounded so honest, so completely honest. Sirius would have smiled, too, if someone had given him that answer.

And, yet, it was still a lie. That was all Sirius could think as Remus limped off in the opposite direction, clutching his arm, presumably off to bed— the transformation had obviously taken a lot out of him— it was a total lie. He knew it perfectly well, that thing that had made him comfort the wolf with a broken leg.

It was love, and it was his downfall. The Sirius Black whose greatest talent, in his opinion, was the way he could avoid attraction completely— he had finally grown fond of a person, actually cared about a person, someone other than himself. It was frightening, and strange, that the one person to penetrate that wall was none other than a werewolf— a _male_ werewolf at that. Even he couldn't avoid falling for someone eventually, because falling in love, Sirius realized at that very moment, was the consequence of existing. You simply couldn't have breath in your body and not be destined to love _somebody_, because it just didn't work that way. Eventually, every barrier could be worn away with nothing but time and the rain. Nothing could be completely foolproof, because emotions would always get in the way. There would always be love, there would always be somebody _in_ love, and there would always be somebody on the receiving end of that love. Always.

And because of this love, Sirius believed he knew how Remus felt every time he saw a near-full moon: cursed. Absolutely cursed, and without a thing he could do about it.


	5. Chapter 4

_Notes_: Thank you, once again, to the lovely reviewers. You're all wonderful! I would hug you, but, you know, it's not physically possible at the moment. And, to answer Shuffle Queen's question: Yep, you were right about the pen name (it's my first middle name), but I'm actually half Desi and half everything else (I would put a little happy face here, but it refuses to show up.) 

There's been a slight change to chapter two: there was a sentence saying 'but it was unlikely that he would have been very good with magic anyway, considering his background'. That used to have something to do with the plot, I believe, but I lost my original plan for the story (That's the last time I write a plan on loose-leaf paper), and it's pretty contradictory now, especially in this chapter. Just wanted to clear that up. Now, to the real chapter...

* * *

**Chapter Four: The Curse of a Kiss**

It took a full week for Remus to start eating regularly again, and, disgustingly enough, Sirius found himself, during that week, longing for the brief moments when Remus left his room. It was frightening enough to comfort the werewolf during the full moon, but now that he was back to normal... Sirius shook his head.

Then, after the week passed, there were those moments when Sirius felt he had to talk.

"Hello," he'd say, pretending he had just been strolling around and, by chance, happened to come across Remus, eating dinner or walking around the perimeter of the house, reaching his hand out every now and again to test his barrier, then quickly withdrawing it with a hiss of pain.

"Hello. Nice day, isn't it?" That was how Remus would always reply, although neither knew why, because it really didn't depend on the weather. For some reason, there was always a smile on his face, a vague smile, but a smile all the same. Once, on one of the days Remus had been outside, raindrops had found their way through the canopy of leaves, sometimes making small indentations where the droplets of water forcefully hit the ground. He had obviously been outside for quite some time: his hair was dripping, his clothes were plastered to his body, and his socked feet were covered in mud.

"Apparently," he explained when he saw Sirius looking at his feet questioningly. "I don't _need_ shoes, because the only pair I have are the ones I've had for ten years, which I had on when I first came here. It's a wonder this place believes I need clothes at all..."

A blush coloured Sirius's cheeks at that statement, but Remus was looking amusedly down at his muddy feet, wearing a dry smile.

"Ironic," agreed the dark-haired boy, and though he was sure he hadn't used the world correctly, Remus didn't correct him.

**_llllll_**

Two full moons passed quickly, and without much distinction between them and the two Sirius had previously experienced. These times, however, he didn't find himself at the werewolf's side, although on the first of these two, the wolf did scratch at the door he was behind, whimpering softly. Never once did it throw itself at the door the way it had on his first night, just whined for a few minutes, then turned away and left him alone.

Four months had certainly changed everything. Already, it was early summer, though it was not marked with birdsong, the way Sirius's earlier summers had been. Animals of all species seemed to avoid the werewolf, leaving in their absence a surreal silence.

Besides this, every day, Sirius could feel the guilt growing inside himself. It burned him from the inside, twisting his stomach into a knot every time he thought of Remus. It disgusted him, and yet pacified him, as if confirming that he was human.

Maybe, he sometimes reasoned, it was just a side effect of being alone for so long. Despite his attempts to convince himself of this, somewhere in his mind, he knew that wasn't it. He had loved the werewolf since the first time he saw him: frightened and scarred in the snow, unable to form complete sentences. The realization was what had taken time.

**_llllll_**

Remus smiled as he noticed the other boy standing in his doorway, leaning against the doorframe and watching him intensely.

"Good morning," he said, not meaning to sound as happy as he did. The corners of his lips twitched unconsciously, but he made a great effort not to smile, to keep his face placid and even. He rose from where he had been sitting (the edge of his bed), and walked closer to Sirius— maybe too close. Grey eyes regarded him thoughtfully, and an unsure, choked voice issued a quick, "Good morning," in reply.

"I want to talk to you," Sirius finally stated simply. "It's important."

"Sure." Remus shrugged, raising his eyebrows.

"I... You're not that bad. I mean, werewolves are supposed to be monsters. You're not." Sirius looked as though these few sentences had caused him a lot of grief, but it also seemed that he had more to say.

"Thank you..."

"And, well... I enjoy your company."

"Well, I—"

Sirius raised one hand, silencing the werewolf. After a few deep breaths, he said, "There's something else I have to tell you."

"What is it?"

"Tonight. I'll tell you tonight." And he walked off, looking as though he regretted saying that very much.

Remus stood in the doorway for a few more minutes, watching an imaginary spot on the wall in front of him. When he finally turned, he walked swiftly to his dresser and swept his finger down the mirror's surface.

"Why...?" The question was never finished, possibly because there wasn't just one, but many, swirling around inside his head. The glass seemed to understand, though, because an image slowly materialized. It was the same image he had seen when he had asked about Sirius's presence, after his encounter with the werewolf: Sirius and a girl kissing passionately in the snow.

There was only one difference between what he had seen then and what he saw at that present moment: there was something strange about the girl. Her hair, for one, was not the dark red, nor was it up in a bun. Instead, it was tawny and hung near her shoulders. And her features were oddly familiar...

It took a few moments for Remus to realize that it wasn't a girl he saw kissing Sirius in the snow— it was himself.

He gasped, cursed, and stumbled backwards until he hit a wall, then sunk to the floor, staring blankly ahead. And while this had gone on, a smile had formed on his lips, and there was a wonderfully fluttery feeling in his stomach.

**_llllll_**

Just before sunset, Sirius was back at Remus's doorway, and he had to clear his throat several times before the werewolf acknowledged his presence with a mumbled "Hello". Remus kept his eyes downcast, perched once again on the edge of his bed. After his eyes flickered over to the dark-haired youth a few times, Sirius seated himself beside Remus, watching him.

Slowly, Remus looked up and met Sirius's eyes, breathing rapidly and shallowly and Sirius took this as an invitation to start.

"Remus," Sirius began, at long last.

It took Remus a few moments to realize he was being addressed; it had been that long since he had last heard his name. Hearing Sirius say it for the first time caused the whole world to sort of melt away until it was only the two of them, floating in midair, but somehow sinking at the same time.

"Remus," Sirius repeated, bringing the world back with a popping sound. "I have to tell you something. I've been meaning to tell you this for a long time."

Remus nodded.

It took a surprisingly short time for Sirius to speak again, possibly because he was no stranger to giving this speech, although his heart was racing in his chest:

"I love you. Really, truly, uncontrollably love you." He meant every word, which made it harder to say than it had before. He knew that he'd never say it again, not to anyone else, not meaning the same thing. Sirius Black would never, ever, ever love someone like he loved Remus Lupin.

Despite the fact that lycanthropy had improved his hearing, Remus didn't quite understand what the other boy had enunciated so clearly until several moments had passed. Those were agonizing moments, the sort that actually bring about a sudden headache and nausea. The room seemed to become much colder, causing Remus to shiver while he attempted a reply.

After making a few strange sounds of shock, he cleared his throat. "You... love me?" he asked shakily.

"Yes."

"But... you? No one ever has, and the first is you?"

"Yes."

"Sirius, I'm... I'm a werewolf."

"I know."

"And..." He wondered how to state the obvious that Sirius had evidently forgotten, at least temporarily. "I'm a boy."

"I know that."

"And so are you."

Voice dropping to a whisper, Sirius replied, "I know that, too."

Silence for a moment, and then, he continued.

"Does it matter, Remus?" The werewolf flinched, and tears began to fall silently, even though he urged them not to . "It's true love, and that's the most powerful thing there is. More powerful than any sort of magic. I love you, and you love me back. I can tell— I've made it my business to tell that sort of thing, you know. I'd take advantage of love, use it for selfish reasons. It's an awful reason for knowing, but I know anyway: you love me, too."

"Please—"

Remus was cut off then, because Sirius had leaned in close to him, pulling them together. Slowly, he raised a hand and dragged his thumb across Remus's wet cheek, catching a few tears as they fell. Just as the distance had disappeared between them, Sirius felt Remus's hands on his chest, pushing him away.

"Don't," he whispered. "Please don't. Not now."

"Wha—"

"The only way to cure me is for my first kiss to be with my true love. I have to love her and she has to love me back. If it's not the first kiss, it's no use. And... Sirius, I don't know if this counts as love." Sirius winced slightly at this, but Remus went on with a sigh, "Just listen for a minute... My parents were the local healers in our village. It's fortunate I used to watch them while they worked; that's how I learned to take care of myself after the full moon. We weren't very rich, but we weren't poor either, just comfortable.

"But, one winter, a woman came to the door. She said she was extremely ill. My father was out of town, apparently to buy supplies, but, as I would learn later, secretly seeing other women. Anyway, this old woman had no money, so my mother turned her away. Just before she closed the door, the woman saw me, and started shouting.

" 'He will be the one to pay for your unkindness,' she screamed. 'The one you love more than yourself. An innocent, someone pure of heart who does not deserve it. He will become a beast under the full moon, just as much a beast as yourself!'

"The next night, my mother watched over me carefully, to make sure that the woman's threat would not be carried out. When, finally, she became convinced that I was safe, she put me in bed and went outside, just to be careful. Only a few minutes later, I heard her scream and ran outside to her. There was a werewolf pinning her to the ground, but it didn't even scratch her. It looked at me and, as if had been waiting just for me, sunk its teeth into my arm..."

Remus trembled as he spoke, and grabbed at his right shoulder, where, underneath his shirt, a long, spiralling scar ran its course. Drawing a shuddery breath, he continued,

"When my father came back and found out what had happened, he told my mother that he had been unfaithful.

" 'And it is justified by this,' he said, pointing at me. 'You've given me a monster for a child.'

"And..." The werewolf paused for breath, wiping away his tears. "And before the attack, I had eyes just like him. Whenever he was gone, my mother would tell me that she couldn't be lonely, because she still had his eyes with her. After, when my father left, I had the wolf's eyes. She hated me for it.

"She searched for years for a cure, and found this old rhyme. It said that if I found true love, that if my first kiss was from my true love, I would be free. All she could say, when she read that, was how alone she was, all because of me. Because no one could ever love me, she would never have his eyes back." A small sob that could be mistaken for a gasp caused a pause between this and the next sentence. "And she was right." He stood up suddenly, and raised the volume of his voice greatly. "I can't love a man! That's not how it's supposed to be! I can't just take a risk on something like this, the consequences are too great!"

"The only thing that's missing is that I'm not a girl," Sirius stated calmly. "I _love_ you, don't you understand? It's _love_, not like. And you love me, too, so what's the problem?"

"This is wrong, that's the problem. I don't love you, because I can't love you. That's not the way it works!" Remus stamped his foot for emphasis. "Do you even understand what it's like to not to have control over your mind once a month? To be trapped inside another being, a little voice in the back of its mind that it will only ignore? It's not something I enjoy, you know. And you— you told me you exploit love, so why should I trust you? Give me a single reason I should give up my whole life and one chance at happiness on something so meaningless."

Remus never got that reason, and Sirius never gave it. The black-haired boy concentrated on breathing normally as he got up and walked through the doorway without a second thought.

"Goodbye, Remus," he said calmly over his shoulder, as though stating that the sky was, in fact, blue.

Within a minute, he had crossed the invisible barrier that kept the werewolf confined to the house he had occupied for four months. Before he had even reached the front door, Remus's knees gave out, although his eyes remained fixed on the doorway, waiting for Sirius to come back and fill the empty air.

**_llllll_**

Rosa Stork, who had stayed in her room for a month when Sirius Black never returned for her sixteenth birthday, who cried every night as she wondered what had happened to him, who had questioned the logic behind life itself so many times since his disappearance, heard the sound that carried through the air as, somewhere, Sirius Black, the man she sought after, made his way through dense forest. The sound, at first, terrified her; it was a haunted howl, like the sound a wolf makes, but this sounded eerily unlike any wolf she had ever heard.

Her fear quickly dissolved, though, because she soon recognised it. It was the sound she had been hearing in her head for four months, a sound she knew all too well. It was the sound that a heart made when it lost something it loved more than life itself.


	6. Chapter 5

_Note_: This chapter, and the one following, have been edited for the sake of my own sanity. The ending turned out awfully, this chapter was much too awkward, and the plot was brutally mutilated all through the sixth chapter (I really wish I had a good excuse for that, I really do.) If you've already read the originals, please skim through these for my sake and let me know if this is any improvement.

* * *

**Chapter Five: The Loss of Sanity**

Autumn came all too soon. Every morning, Remus would wake up to find more and more leaves had fallen. He would open the door, gingerly step onto the carpet of dry leaves, and sit just within his barrier for a few hours. Sometimes, he would think he had seen something move, and if it wasn't a trick his impaired vision was playing on him, it would turn out to be just another leaf dropping from above his head, or a lone squirrel dodging his gaze by hiding behind the trees.

That was something he had noticed ever since Sirius left: the squirrels. By the end of September, he had seen three, and, once, he had heard a bird. Naturally, they didn't cross the invisible line surrounding his dwelling, never got too close, but the fact that he could see them gave him something like hope.

_Maybe_, he thought on the morning of seeing the third squirrel, _the spell is broken. Maybe, because Sirius loved me, I'm free..._ Carefully, he took a step away from the house. Nothing happened. A faint smile drifted over his lips, but as he took another step, he stumbled backwards, tears prickling at his eyes.

He had seen the wolf, in his mind's eye. It growled and snarled, and, for just a moment, it looked like it was _grinning_ at him, as if greeting an old friend.

"Hello, Remus," it had grinned. "Fancy he'll ever come back?"

The words seemed to be cut into his skin. The foot he had extended to test the barrier was burning, and that image kept repeating itself over and over in his head.

Remus knew he was in love. He'd known only a few moments too late.

"Goodbye, Remus," Sirius had said over his shoulder, and, suddenly, Remus knew. He was all Remus dreamed of anymore. Sirius, Sirius, Sirius.

_You had your chance_, he told himself now. _And you didn't take it. You could have stopped him, but you didn't. You could have kissed him, but you didn't. Stop mourning for something you said you didn't want._

He looked at the silver knife a lot more, now. It didn't call to him anymore. Instead, _he_ called to it. Sometimes, while looking at it, he would laugh bitterly, which was the closest he got to being happy after that night.

"It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all," he could remember his mother saying when he was very young (or did he make up that memory?), and he had tried to believe it. That made him laugh, too, though, when he remembered who he was getting advice on love from.

Sometimes, if he tried really hard, he could remember a little of what had happened on the night of the full moon. It was something he had discovered after years of isolation, with nothing to entertain himself. After the first full moon following Sirius's departure, he had found patches of fur and blood in nearly every room. The expected gashes on his limbs and torso had been deeper than usual, one of his ears was badly torn, and he couldn't see out of one eye.

He didn't try to remember anything after that.

**_llllll_**

Sirius didn't need to follow the routine anymore. It was simply instinct to him now, and when, after two days of walking in the same direction through that forest, he came to a town, he soon found himself watching a girl with straight blonde hair and dark brown eyes more than what was usually socially acceptable. Her name, it turned out, was Charlotte Miller, and she wouldn't turn sixteen for another few months. She was perfect.

It only took a week before she was entertaining the idea of being Mrs Sirius Black, but when she made this known to him, something inside him made him stop with the routine and toss it out the window.

Maybe it was Remus. He knew that what he felt for the werewolf only sprang up because of the lack of females around and because he was just so used to his routine that he couldn't help but romance _somebody_. But Remus had rocked the boat, had messed the routine up: he hadn't let Sirius kiss him. This was something new for Sirius, something he'd never had to deal with before, and it had changed him.

So, when he found himself passionately kissing a girl he'd only known for a fortnight, he decided she would be the last. He was constantly thinking of Remus, constantly aching to see him again, and he wasn't even in love. It must be worse for those girls he manipulated for their money, because they were actually in love with him, he reasoned.

Her sixteenth birthday arrived quickly, and, with a sick feeling in his stomach, he did something he'd never done before: he asked her to marry him. Charlotte had fainted— not swooned, _fainted_ (swooning is much more ladylike)— and fell over backwards with a _thud_.

Sirius had revived her, grinning the whole time so much his cheeks began to ache.

There was one more thing he had left to do.

**_llllll_**

The air was cold and sharp with the promise of autumn frost when, for the first time in a decade, Remus heard a knock at the door. At first, he was unable to place the sound, but after it became more persistent and it was accompanied by a familiar voice, he flew to the front door and opened it, not at all trying to hide the small smile that had spread across his features.

At first, he only saw Sirius. Alone, his left eye took in the tall, grey-eyed beauty standing before him, and for a few moments, he could ignore the hand also in his field of vision, the hand placed delicately on Sirius's arm. He had to turn his head slightly to the right to see the young woman, smiling uneasily at him.

"Hello," he managed to choke out.

Sirius looked just as uncomfortable as the girl beside him, but managed to smile faintly. "Remus," he said, and for a moment Remus had another taste of the wonderful happiness that had filled him not so long ago. "This is Charlotte." The happiness left him immediately.

"Hello," Remus repeated.

"Hello," the woman called Charlotte said.

Sirius broke the silence following that simple phrase.

"Are you alright?" he managed to blurt out, looking as though the question had troubled him a lot.

"Yes," Remus replied, still looking at Charlotte. "I'm fine."

"I— oh. I'm sorry, but... can you still see? Your eye looks—"

"I know." With this, the werewolf managed to look back at Sirius. "I'm fine." He would _not_ admit to his partial blindness, although his discoloured right eye gave this away without his confirmation. Still, that confession was number two on his list of things he would not do. He had just started the list in his mind. Number one was pulling Sirius into that kiss they'd almost shared so many months ago, naturally.

Sirius soon explained that they had come to visit him. Remus did not understand the logic behind this, but had never known Sirius to be very logical, so it didn't bother him. What did was the fact that, as soon as he had stepped through the front door, Sirius _kissed_ her, as though mocking the werewolf.

"_This could be yours._" Remus could nearly hear the words as those silvery eyes flickered over to him just as the couple (Remus cringed slightly at even thinking that word) broke apart, and a small smile crept across Charlotte's lips.

For just a moment, he felt his knees weaken, but he caught himself before anyone could notice and brushed his hair out of his eyes.

"Hungry?" It took Remus a second to realize he had been the one to speak, and even though he hadn't seen Charlotte nod, he turned and walked to the dining room.

**_llllll_**

The meal passed might have passed in silence, had Sirius not felt obligated to speak and Remus to nod and mumble something incoherent as the dark-haired wizard did so.

"We're getting married," Sirius announced in conclusion to his monologue, causing Remus to nearly choke on the piece of meat he had been chewing for ten minutes and had just decided to swallow.

"Congratulations," he sighed, just letting the word out as he exhaled as though it had been trapped in his lungs for years, aching to get out.

He couldn't see all of Sirius, just his arm and the side of his face; he only kept Charlotte in his field of vision so that he wouldn't be tempted to do anything he would regret— if this hadn't been the case, if he had been watching Sirius as intently as he wanted to, he might have seen that Sirius had something trapped in his lungs, too, and this something wouldn't come out with just a simple sigh.

**_llllll_**

Night fell quickly and silently, slowly tainting and killing the light until there was nothing but darkness. Remus soon found himself pacing the floor of his bedroom, a single candle flickering beside his bed. He wanted to know why Sirius had come at all, but he didn't want to ask, just to know.

There was a _creak_, signifying someone's light footsteps in the corridor. The werewolf tensed, and found himself rooted to the floor, unable to move from where he stood.

_Tap, tap, tap_, went the someone's fist against the door. Sucking in a deep breath, Remus walked to the door and opened it, neither shocked nor unsurprised by Charlotte standing there, still dressed as she had been earlier. Her hair was down now, though, and not quite as neat as it could be.

"May I come in?" she asked politely, not really looking for an answer. Before Remus even nodded, she had crossed the threshold.

"I need to talk to someone," she went on, twirling a strand of blonde hair around her finger. Remus nodded again, leaning awkwardly against the wall.

"He doesn't love me," Charlotte stated simply. Remus might have fallen backwards, had he not already been leaning against the wall. "I mean, I know he asked me to marry him, and maybe he wants to love me, but he doesn't. He's never even said he does. I don't know who he loves, but he must love _someone_, and" (She bit her trembling lip) "He's only ever kissed me two times."

_More than I can say_, Remus wanted to snap, but didn't. He waited for her to go on instead, wishing that she would change the topic to something more enjoyable. Like the weather, or something like that.

"The first time was after I knew him for fifteen days exactly. And the second... The second was this afternoon." Charlotte's breaths were shuddery, and her voice was strained. After an excessive amount of blinking, she managed to look up at Remus, who couldn't figure out what the appropriate emotion would be at that point.

"Well," he began, very intellectually. "Maybe—"

He never got to finish that sentence, because his words were muffled by Charlotte's mouth over his own. Later, he would wonder if he had actually seen her move towards him, or if she'd cleverly kept within his blind spot, but even if he had seen her, he knew that it was unlikely he could have manoeuvred away from her. She was like a wild animal, stalking her pray. _The wolf has found itself a hunter_, Remus would think that morning with a dry smile.

But he would have had collected his wits by that time. Now, however, thoughts were flying through his head, made mostly of disjointed words that made little sense to him: _Charlotte__ curse kiss werewolf Sirius lost regret why how?_

Once he had sorted through and organized these words into proper sentences, he was left with, _Charlotte__ is kissing me. This is not good._

Another part of his mind sarcastically asked him just _why_ it wasn't good, but he ignored that voice and jerked away from Charlotte, a taste in his mouth of something he couldn't quite place, and an emotion inside that felt very much like regret.

Charlotte also seemed to have trouble thinking straight, and once she, too, could manage a few coherent thoughts, she spoke:

"I am so sorry, it's just... I'm sorry. I don't know what happened. I..." She trailed off, apparently unaware of the air becoming heavier with chaos.

Remus knew what he had been waiting for when Sirius almost kissed him— a pretty girl with a pure heart, the sort of creature who he felt he would never see. And now he wanted the complete opposite, and it made him feel sick to acknowledge that fact once again.

He forced a cough, feeling as though he should make some sort of noise and not just feel awkward. The cough caught Charlotte's attention, and she looked at him as though she couldn't remember who he was.

"I'll be going," she muttered under her breath, not breaking eye contact with him as she backed through the doorway. "Good night."

He heard a _click_, signifying the door had closed, and suddenly remembered to breathe, although he wasn't quite sure why he should bother. The little flame of humanity hidden within his very soul had dimmed and gone out, leaving a little wisp of smoke in its place. It had been what made every transformation just bearable, and now he had been robbed of it, just like everything else.

The sun would be rising in a few hours, and he could tell it wasn't going to be a good day.

**_llllll_**

Maybe he just imagined it, but he could feel Sirius's eyes on him the next morning, as if the dark-haired young man knew what had happened in the dead of night, while he was, no doubt, fast asleep.

Remus saw them already at the table when he came down for breakfast, and this surprised him a little. Sirius, as far as he knew, had always slept in much later than him, but he supposed Charlotte had woken him up.

Charlotte didn't look at him at all, and this only added to how out of place he felt. Her eyes kept darting over to Sirius, and sometimes down in her lap, and occasionally to her right.

By the time the sun had set, Sirius had only said four words to him:

"Did you sleep well?"

**_llllll_**

Remus lay awake in bed that night. The candle that had remained lit so late the night before was burning again. He thought of sitting up and snuffing it out, but didn't.

Thinking back on it later, he would wonder if he might have gotten out of bed before he heard the knock at his door. At first, he thought it was Charlotte, returning to apologize again. _Maybe Sirius told her everything_, he thought for a moment, wondering just how much 'everything' encompassed.

But it was not she. _Sirius_ stood at the door when he opened it, looking very small, though Remus was a fair amount shorter.

"I love you," Remus blurted out without thinking, and Sirius stood there, stunned.

"Remus," he said at length, eyes wide and cheeks tinged pink. The werewolf took a tiny step towards him.

"Yes?"

Sirius had been staring at him, but now blinked and bit his lip. "That— that wasn't real. It couldn't have been."

It was Remus's turn to be silent.

"Remus?"

The werewolf nodded in response.

"Are you all right?"

Another nod.

Sirius sighed, running a hand through his hair. He licked his lips, said, "I—" and was cut off by Remus.

"Good," Remus muttered. Sirius looked at him curiously, head tilted to the side. "It's better that way."

"What—"

Remus took a moment to swallow the lump in his throat. "She kissed me," he announced clearly and quietly at the same time. "There's no point."

Remus's words took a while to sink in. When he finally seemed to understand what the werewolf had said, Sirius could open his mouth, but no sound came out.

"Last night," Remus continued. "She said you didn't love her. That you loved someone else, and she kissed me. I thought it might have been worth it, since..." His cheeks coloured and he took a deep breath before he went on. "Since you said you loved me."

With unfocused eyes, Sirius moved to the bed and sat down, not unlike he had the night he made a similar confession.

"I have to love her," Sirius said suddenly, and Remus got the feeling he was confirming this for his own sake. "You said yourself—"

"I was afraid and stupid," snapped Remus, surprising himself, but Sirius ignored him.

"We're getting married in six days. It would be nice if you could be there, but I know you can't."

"Sirius—"

"And I'm sorry about this—" The dark-haired wizard ran a finger down an exposed line of raised, pink flesh on Remus's arm. The scar was not painful to touch, but Remus cringed anyway. "I don't know if I would have been able to survive with it. You're truly amazing. I wish I could be like you."

"No, you don't," the werewolf hissed, jerking his arm away from Sirius. He gritted his teeth, and gave a quiet, animalistic growl. "I was never brave— I've thought of ending my life, but I was too scared of both the pain and what would await me after death. I'm not innocent, and you know it. I'm... well, just think about it: I'm a monster and I love someone I shouldn't. You're what has kept me hanging on lately. The idea that you..." Remus looked down, suddenly very timid. He didn't need to finish the sentence.

"I have to go," he heard Sirius mutter. "Right away. Maybe we'll see you after the wedding."

And he turned away, clearly intent on walking away from Remus once again, as he had done not so long before.

"Wait, Sirius—" Remus was running after him, even though he wasn't aware of it before he collided with Sirius, nearly tripping over him in the process. Sirius shot him a pained, angry look.

"Forget whatever I said, okay?" he hissed, pressing Remus up against the wall as he spoke. "I wasn't in a right state of mind; I didn't mean a word of it."

Remus laughed weakly. "We're both insane here, I know that— it doesn't take back any of it."

"I, for one, am not insane. If I was, I'm cured." Sirius had been halfway to sneering, but suddenly his expression softened and he looked almost _blankly_ at the werewolf. "I hope the same happens to you."

"I'm trapped here." Remus shrugged. "I'll be all but cured for the rest of my life."

A hint of a bitter smile touched the corner of Sirius's mouth. "Don't say that," he whispered, swiftly placing a light kiss on Remus's cheek. "I'm going now. I'll see you later. After the wedding. I promise."

Remus walked back to his bedroom, closed the door, and groaned suddenly as he realized that had really happened.


	7. Chapter 6

_Notes_: This chapter (and the one before) have been fixed. They are no longer painful to read (I hope). I just felt the need to alert you of that fact.

* * *

**Chapter Six: The Importance of a Happy Ending**

"Good morning, Miss Stork," said Michael Hampton as Rosa Stork entered the flower shop.

"Good _afternoon_, Mr Hampton," she replied; only a little annoyed with his enthusiasm.

"Good afternoon, then. How may I help you?"

"I was wondering if you had any roses…" _since no one bothers to get them _for_ me_, Rosa thought bitterly. "It's my birthday, you see, and it's the only excuse I have to get them for myself."

"I see," he said. "I've always liked roses, myself. They symbolize beauty and purity, and yet…"

"They're covered in thorns."

Michael smiled. "Right. They're like humans, in a way. They can look perfect, but they never will be…" He looked thoughtful. "Excuse me for a moment." He disappeared through a door behind the counter, returning a few seconds later with a blood-red rose, but its thorns had been removed.

"Someone ordered a huge bouquet of these for a wedding," he said. "But I'm sure the future Mrs Black won't mind." He held out the rose for her.  
Rosa hesitated before taking the rose. _Don't be silly_, she scolded herself. _Black's a common name. And even if it is him, what does it matter? It's probably only because she's carrying his child._

"Beauty and purity," explained Michael, his eyes on hers. "Without the thorns."

"Perfection."

"Exactly." He grinned, and Rosa found herself smiling back.

They were married exactly two years later.

**_llllll_**

Sirius and Charlotte were gone the next morning, but Remus didn't bother to look for them. Instead, he spent the next few days either asleep for lying in bed, waiting for the accursed date to pass.

At last, six days after Sirius had left the second time, he crawled out of bed, down the stairs and sat down right outside the front door. Although he felt nauseous, he was weak with hunger and his stomach growled loudly and hollowly every so often.

And then, he let out a howl. Rather, the wolf let out a howl, and he was too weak to stop it. The howl seemed to echo over and over and over for much longer than it should have.

"Why'd you have to do that?" he asked himself quietly.

There was no response.

And, so, there he sat on the front steps. He didn't fancy the idea of being the helpless damsel passing the time in any way he could, waiting for his knight in shining armour. No, he had been helpless all his life.

But somehow, it didn't seem so bad waiting there. Part of him was resigned to an isolated life, and wasn't expecting anything more than the sun to rise and set as usual. Still, there was something that made him feel like waiting there wasn't that helpless.

This something wasn't faith, no— it was more like sarcasm. Sitting there was asking for a broken heart, for sadness, because the odds (as usual) were not in his favour.

And despite this, he waited.

**_llllll_**

Sirius never really sensed anything— rather, he noticed a _nothing_, and it scared him. It reverberated against the walls of his mind, making a hollow, non-existent sound that was so empty, it was actually frightening.

"I…" he began, and then couldn't go on. He knew he only had one more word to say, one word that would seal his destiny, one word he'd said a million times over, and yet it wouldn't come up.

_I do, I do, I do!_ cried a little voice in his mind.

_Oh, do shut up_, he replied calmly and finished his sentence with the word 'can't'.

"You, what?" Charlotte demanded, looking astounded.

"I can't," Sirius repeated slowly, making sure she got the message before turning on his heel and walking down the aisle she had so recently glided up.

**_llllll_**

Charlotte's wedding gown, once white, had been thoroughly stained with mud by the time she stopped crying. She sat by the side of the road, her eyes red and puffy and her nose running. She'd never imagined her wedding would end like this.

She shivered as a cold wind blew, and her throat grew tight once again, although no sob ever came out. All intentions of crying vanished as she heard a pitiful, whining sort of sound.

Looking over her shoulder, she saw that the source of this sound was none other than a small, grey kitten. Its paws were caked in mud and looked as though it hadn't eaten in weeks.

"Hello, there," Charlotte murmured, her insides suddenly melting as she saw a creature in need of more sympathy than herself. She stroked the kitten's back slowly, and it mewed in response

"I'm Charlotte," said the would-be bide. "I was supposed to get married today, but he ran off at the last minute. I'm such a fool. I knew from the start that this wouldn't work out. It's probably for the best." She forced a smile. "So, what happened to you?"

The cat looked at her for a moment, and then rubbed its head against her leg, purring.

"Well, then," Charlotte said decisively. "We're both in need of a friend right now. You can stay with me for a while."

She got up, and started to walk home. Without hesitation, the cat followed behind her.

Charlotte received a total of two more marriage proposals in the next year, but she refused both, preferring to dedicate her time to the kitten she found that day (who was named Lillith shortly after) instead of to a husband.

**_llllll_**

Remus had fallen asleep again. Maybe it was the lack of food that tired him out, or maybe it was how depressing falling leaves could be when one is waiting from sunrise to sunset for someone to sweep them off their feet or proclaim undying love or something equally as unlikely. Whatever the reason, Sirius had a hard time waking him when he, hours later, finally made it to the house he himself had inhabited not so long ago.

"Remus," he was shouting now. "Wake up!"

Finally, the werewolf groggily opened his eyes. He jumped when he saw just who had roused him from his dreamless sleep, eyes suddenly wide.

"Hey," said Sirius, running a hand through his hair, ignoring Remus's surprise. "Forgive me?"

Remus looked mildly annoyed as he turned to face Sirius, one eyebrow raised, all evidence of his previous emotion gone from his face. It was enough of an answer for Sirius.

"Tell me something." He sat down beside Remus, effortlessly crossing the line that had driven Remus mad for years. "If you're upset with me for being so thick, why are you sitting out here?"

"Because I'm doomed to love you, no matter your mental state or mine." Remus forced a dry laugh.

"Likewise."

Remus turned to look at him suddenly.

"Oh, yes," said Sirius, wearing an everso-slightly haughty smile. "I was just about to go on with the whole marriage _thing—_" (He waved his hands in the air here, as if to clarify just what he meant) "— and I realized that I'd rather spend the rest of my life with some awful sort of disease than spend the rest of my life knowing I'd contradicted myself. I said I loved you, and then denied it. It was killing me. I must have sounded completely…" He trailed off here with another wave of his hand. "Idiotic. I kept worrying you were laughing at me for being such a dunce."

Remus sighed, looking away from him again. "So, then, you came here to avoid embarrassment."

"Unless you don't love me anymore, in which case I'm only embarrassing myself further."

"I already told you that I do. Love's a stupid sort of thing; it makes scholars feel foolish. Fools like us think it will make us more sophisticated, so we seek it, and then find ourselves controlled by it. It only makes sense that I would: Love likes to play jokes."

Sirius placed his hand over Remus's, smiling to himself. "This isn't a joke," he said quietly.

Remus turned his head to the side, locking eyes with Sirius. They both wore a solemn expression, although Sirius's face was tinged with amusement.

And Sirius kissed him. It was light, innocent, and feathery. It might have even been considered chaste by some, but neither of the two men had words for it.

"Shall we?" Remus murmured, gesturing towards the house. A look of realization crossed over Sirius's features at these words, and he suddenly looked worriedly in the opposite direction.

"But, that—" He looked back at Remus. "Will you ever be able to leave?"

"I might," Remus said, smiling slightly. "If you're on the other side."

And, without realizing it, the words left Sirius's lips almost before they had run through his mind. "I never will be."

Sirius Black had fallen in love, then out, and back in again— it was something he had never dreamed of, not ever. He'd thought that he had built up an immunity to that sort of thing, and yet he was just as defenceless against is as anyone else.

Remus Lupin had only ever fallen in love once, but it felt to him like it had happened a million times over. He had expected it would happen for a long time, if he ever had contact with a human. The idea of being loved back, though, was beyond his comprehension.

Both were still recovering from these shocks, but neither showed it. These surprises were not unwelcome. They were in love, and as Remus had said, that was something sought after, something dreamt of until it became a reality. Some treated it like a blessing, some treated it like a curse. Both Remus and Sirius had tried thinking of it as a curse. Now, their opinions had changed.

And, of course, dear reader, as you may have guessed, they lived happily ever after.

**The End**

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Again, here's a big thank you to all the reviewers: 

Goody2sho, Ishy, Azure Myst, XxXtAP-daNCiNg-sPIdeRsXxX, Lizzie24, varis, Ivy Crane, Happy Dappy Drunk, Gold Silk, The Hallowed Cat, Grimy Grunhilda Grunt, Shadow Cat17, Aluminum Tomato, Vee017, Elizabeth Tears, Miss Anonymous hp, firesnake, Obviously Oblivious, Summer Rain of '89, Shuffle Queen, goldmund, Juliet Rose, korosu, LLPotter, DepressedScatterbrainedRanter (or GriffinFox, since that's less to type and easier to say), sappjody, ugly yodeler, Queen of the Paperclips, Hollow Haven, crazygurl, chimerical, bkwrmbenny, elvenwolf123321, orly23, kathryn, Sylvia Sylverton, Crowley Black, and my mother.

Hugs to those people who gave me constructive criticism, and I apologize for rushing earlier.

Also, I've lost nearly all of my documents, including the first 10 000 words of the R/S story I was planning to post. So, don't be surprised if the first chapter isn't up before November. Just know that I've learned my lesson (rushingbad) and it'll be worth the wait.


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